[tsundere shark]

So there's this guy, and he's kinda just not a good fit to the community, and I don't really like saying that bc everyone's different, but I've had several people complain about him now. Like, at least 5. I'm certain he's driven a fair amount of people away, too. Just because he's so pushy with romance plots (tries to ship one of his characters with almost every female character that gets made). He also breaks character a lot so that threads/ships go a certain way (and has admitted to this) and well...idt anyone likes that too much.

He doesn't break any rules (recently, anyway - he has received warnings before but he has one left). He just annoys people a lot. Idk if I should just go ahead and ask him to leave so that he doesn't drive anymore people off, or let him stay because he hasn't gotten his third warning yet. I would feel bad going with the latter bc he has invested a lot of time into the site but at the same time, I have to think of everyone, and he seems to be causing more trouble than good.

So what would you guys do?

[kappaccino]

If he's ruining it for everyone else, you should ask him to leave. If he's been told even once his actions aren't appropriate, yet he continues to do it, that in my opinion is grounds enough. Just because he's put in a lot of work to the site doesn't entitle him to be able to make others uncomfortable.

People who push romance plots on people when told no are a personal pet peeve though, so I may be biased.

[eggy azoozoo]

Tbh if he's already been having an adverse effect on the site community, making people uncomfortable and driving them away from your site, he just needs to be asked to leave pronto. I wouldn't feel bad about the person having sunken a lot of time on the site; its that much time that's been spent making people feel icky to the point that they don't even want to go on your site, so.....

If other members have been complaining to you about his behavior, in addition to your knowing that he's been driving people off, that's enough to pull on ~extraneous special circumstances that go beyond whatever three strikes ish system you have in place.

[Gungnir]

You can think of it in a more personal way too. If you had a friend who was in this kind of situation, where they knew someone who kept making them feel bad, but your friend didn't want to let the person go because "you're all friends", what would you do and how would you feel about that?

Giving people chances is always the nice thing to do, but sometimes it's not the smartest.

If you REALLY feel like you don't want to kick this member out, give them ONE FINAL warning before that's it. Otherwise get rid of them now. You'd honestly want members who treat each other nicely and post every once in a while than one member who's a jerk and is always active.

If it were me, I'd kick him out. I'd say, "We gave you warnings. Multiple members have complained, and staff can see the trouble you're causing and have caused. You're out." And then list the stuff they've done if they demand it.

Don't worry about your site dying or people leaving or anyone getting angry at you because "I was in a plot with them!" because you decided to ban this one member. Remember: people left BECAUSE of this member. You're doing the right thing. Do not feel guilty or bad. They did this to themselves.

Do not let yourself find reasons to allow this person to stay like, "Well, it's only a few times, not every day. I think some people like them. This member's active too."

When someone's obvious poison to your life, do not hesitate to walk away/get rid of them EVEN IF they did something for you (be your friend, bought you something, plotted with you, etc). The person is trying to manipulate you and you're stronger and smarter than that.

I'd say kick him but you ultimately get to decide what to do. Good luck with everything and I hope it all works out for you and your site.

[SIFR]

The tough thing about being an admin is doing what's right. Even if it makes you a bad cop. The community comes before any personal guilt or preference.

The first thing that was a mistake is leaving unwritten rules unwritten. Not making the community uncomfortable should be a rule. Not pushing yourself on others at the expense of their own fun should be a rule. Not willingly and knowledgeably breaking character should be a rule.

Write rules in to counter his behaviour. If he calls you out on targeting him, own it. "Yes, these rules were influenced by you, thank you for demonstrating what we don't want in our community to us. The rule is here to stay, and you can feel free to either adhere to it or leave."

Websites are not democracies. They are like a home that you are welcoming them into, and if they don't follow your house rules, they can leave. If they feel you're being a dictator, they can make their own site. I cannot count the amount of times I've said, "If you feel that strongly, make your own site, and if people choose to follow, that is their choice." Having been on both ends, I can safely say that both sites with varying points of view have been better off in the long run, or the person changes.

Good luck.

[Starry Neko]

I've had this problem. Even if the member is a friend, even if the member has put a lot of time in the site, even if whatever your reasoning is. The community comes first. I've dealt with this a lot and it sucks, but if other people are uncomfortable, you're uncomfortable, or whatever...then it comes down to if you really want to make that -one- person happy or make the rest of the people breathe a silent sigh of relief. No, it doesn't make it easy, and sometimes friends might leave with them, but if you feel like they're an adverse effect on the community and on the site in general, tell them kindly that it's not their place, and if they can't figure it out that we really just aren't another brick in the jenga tower...then be forceful. You are the last line of defense for the site.

[tsundere shark]

Thanks for all your input here, guys! Helped me come to a decision. I'm so bad at banning usually ;u;

[minnie]

ok i know that this matter's already been settled, but i just wanted to put it in perspective - it's not about whether or not you should ask him to leave because is that okay, it's actually about the fact that it's full within your powers and rights as an administrator to do so. as an administrator, you get to decide what kind of community you wish to construct (as well as running the site itself), and if a member is not conducive to the kind of environment you want to facilitate for other members, you completely have every right to ask them to leave or to behave themselves better.

( also is this about resonance i've totally been lurking on that site considering joining for a few days lololol )

[tsundere shark]

yeah it was about Res. :'D if you have questions about anything there, feel free to ask me