Post by minnie on Dec 9, 2014 19:54:23 GMT -8
LOVING YOURSELF
I KNOW IT'S A LITTLE LONG, BUT PLEASE READ IF YOU HAVE THE TIME.
since the holidays are approaching (ergo time for parties and dresses which is always a hassle) as well as the infamous Victoria’s Secret Show, I figured I'd post a little something. I'm not claiming absolute authority nor am I diminishing anyone's opinions and insecurity; this isn't going to be a thread heavily discussing eating disorders, though I do understand that it's heavily intertwined with what I'm about to say. this thread is just a thread from a girl who's taken a long time to learn to love herself, about doing so.
this is a little shpeel that sprouted this past summer, when I worked with youth from underprivileged communities (high schoolers); I was really close to them in age as the youngest teacher, and a lot of my students were girls - some of whom were on dietary supplements, etcetera - so I wanted to let them know something I wish I'd known when I was that age.
I'm not that old either, just 19, turning 20 this year - but every year I change and learn things I wish I'd known even a year a go, so I hope this might help someone out there who's struggling the same way I did.
---
as a background tidbit, I'm pretty short - 5'4 (5'3.5, but I'm rounding), and I typically wear smalls; number-size wise, I range from a 0 (on rare occasions), to a 2-4 (usually with most brands). my body's not what's stereotypically considered large on the spectrum of sizes, I understand, and I suppose that I fall into the relatively 'skinny' body type by typical standards.
in high school was when I gained weight - even then, I was at most, a size 4 or a 6, never exceeding 120 lbs; previously, I'd been pretty thin at roughly 100 lbs and a size 0-2. however, i became obsessed with my body, convinced that I was 'fat' and unattractive, and though I never ended up having an eating disorder, I spent roughly 4 years of my life hating how I looked. I was surrounded by stick-skinny friends, either athletes or girls who were naturally incredibly slim, and I started to hate how I looked. I won’t go into details, but for four years, every facet of my life was affected by how I despised how I looked, convinced that I was “fat."
Again, this isn't anything as severe as an eating disorder; but I did spend four years hating myself, and that's something a lot of girls - and guys - go through, when they shouldn’t. Hating yourself and hating your body, even when it doesn’t escalate into eating disorders, is awful. eating disorders are a very serious issue, yes, but I'm hoping to address even those who haven't entered that realm, but are still unhappy with their bodies - which is a startlingly large percentage of the population.
I realized it when, as a college student, I worked with these teenage girls who were still in high school, who were talking about dieting and losing weight and going to extreme lengths to attain a size when I looked at them and I thought that they looked gorgeous. I thought they were crazy, because they were complaining about being a size — and wearing a size Large when I genuinely didn’t see anything wrong with them at all, thought they were pretty and lovely and gorgeous all of them.
But I understood, because I remember.
I remember being insecure about my weight to the point where I couldn’t even talk about it, because I was embarrassed to even bring it up - because that would have brought more attention to my body. But I also remember little things slipping out, like “oh I wouldn’t look good in that” on accident - and my friends telling me that I was crazy, that I looked fine.
I remember being really annoyed that they were saying that; I remember even looking at larger girls who had so much confidence and wondering how they could be happy with themselves when I was so upset with my smaller body. I remember not understanding it at all, wondering if they were faking their confidence - I wasn’t thinking that they’re fat, but rather, I simply didn’t understand how they could be happy at that size, because I was smaller and I still wasn’t happy; I remember thinking that my friends were either lying, or that they didn’t know what they were talking about.
Because once you have an idea or an opinion about yourself, the only person who can change it is you.
No matter how many people tell you you’re fine - which I genuinely believed about my summer students - you’re not going to believe them, because the only person who can teach you to love yourself is you.
We're raised in an era where we grow up looking at stick thin models who aren't half that skinny in reality, photoshopped so their bodies are perfect models of no real person. We worship barbie dolls and idolize celebrities, and popular culture gives us a standard of what's 'good looking' and what's 'not,' and it makes up these unrealistic expectations in our heads of what we should look like, of what being 'skinny' is and that even 'being skinny is good.’ We grow up in a world where eating disorders are rampant because of how much everyone is unhappy with how they look, in a society that subconsciously and inherently teaches us that to be ‘pretty,’ we have to be ‘skinny,’ and to be ‘skinny,’ we have to be a size 0 or a size 2.
Things like pretty and skinny and what’s skinny and what’s not are not scientifically proven - they’re nothing but social constructs. You don’t need to be skinny to be pretty, and what’s declared skinny by society is not necessarily true. Moreover, you don’t need to think yourself as skinny to love yourself - know your size, know that it might not be what’s standardly considered ‘skinny,’ but love yourself anyway. Love how you look, even knowing that you have flaws - love yourself, flaws and all.
The difference between loving your body completely and not is huge. I’m not saying I think of myself as the most gorgeous girl in the planet; I don’t. I still have insecure moments sometimes, and I still have areas I’d like to lose weight in - I want my arms to be thinner, my waist to be slimmer. It’s okay and perfectly normal to have these things, to have things that you’d want to be skinnier in.
But the difference is loving yourself anyway. I have spots I don’t like, but I don’t cower from mirrors the way I used to; I’m happy with how I look, even knowing I have trouble areas, even knowing I’m not as skinny as I’d like to be. Being happy with yourself is unrelated to thinking yourself as perfect - being happy with yourself means loving yourself even knowing you have the flaws that you do. Unless you’re a Victoria’s Secret model, I highly doubt that anyone has what’s considered by society as the ‘perfect’ body.
Since I’ve learned to love myself, I’m just a happier person in general. It’s lovely, being happy, in ways I didn’t know possible until I was. Loving myself and my body is the best thing I learned to do, and the best thing I’ve done for myself in my teenage years. If you’re anything like I am, this post probably won’t help since I was very stubborn and, like I said - the only person who can teach you to love yourself is you.
But I hope this puts things into perspective, and if it helps anyone at all, I’m glad.
Happy holidays!
this is a little shpeel that sprouted this past summer, when I worked with youth from underprivileged communities (high schoolers); I was really close to them in age as the youngest teacher, and a lot of my students were girls - some of whom were on dietary supplements, etcetera - so I wanted to let them know something I wish I'd known when I was that age.
I'm not that old either, just 19, turning 20 this year - but every year I change and learn things I wish I'd known even a year a go, so I hope this might help someone out there who's struggling the same way I did.
---
as a background tidbit, I'm pretty short - 5'4 (5'3.5, but I'm rounding), and I typically wear smalls; number-size wise, I range from a 0 (on rare occasions), to a 2-4 (usually with most brands). my body's not what's stereotypically considered large on the spectrum of sizes, I understand, and I suppose that I fall into the relatively 'skinny' body type by typical standards.
in high school was when I gained weight - even then, I was at most, a size 4 or a 6, never exceeding 120 lbs; previously, I'd been pretty thin at roughly 100 lbs and a size 0-2. however, i became obsessed with my body, convinced that I was 'fat' and unattractive, and though I never ended up having an eating disorder, I spent roughly 4 years of my life hating how I looked. I was surrounded by stick-skinny friends, either athletes or girls who were naturally incredibly slim, and I started to hate how I looked. I won’t go into details, but for four years, every facet of my life was affected by how I despised how I looked, convinced that I was “fat."
Again, this isn't anything as severe as an eating disorder; but I did spend four years hating myself, and that's something a lot of girls - and guys - go through, when they shouldn’t. Hating yourself and hating your body, even when it doesn’t escalate into eating disorders, is awful. eating disorders are a very serious issue, yes, but I'm hoping to address even those who haven't entered that realm, but are still unhappy with their bodies - which is a startlingly large percentage of the population.
I realized it when, as a college student, I worked with these teenage girls who were still in high school, who were talking about dieting and losing weight and going to extreme lengths to attain a size when I looked at them and I thought that they looked gorgeous. I thought they were crazy, because they were complaining about being a size — and wearing a size Large when I genuinely didn’t see anything wrong with them at all, thought they were pretty and lovely and gorgeous all of them.
But I understood, because I remember.
I remember being insecure about my weight to the point where I couldn’t even talk about it, because I was embarrassed to even bring it up - because that would have brought more attention to my body. But I also remember little things slipping out, like “oh I wouldn’t look good in that” on accident - and my friends telling me that I was crazy, that I looked fine.
I remember being really annoyed that they were saying that; I remember even looking at larger girls who had so much confidence and wondering how they could be happy with themselves when I was so upset with my smaller body. I remember not understanding it at all, wondering if they were faking their confidence - I wasn’t thinking that they’re fat, but rather, I simply didn’t understand how they could be happy at that size, because I was smaller and I still wasn’t happy; I remember thinking that my friends were either lying, or that they didn’t know what they were talking about.
Because once you have an idea or an opinion about yourself, the only person who can change it is you.
No matter how many people tell you you’re fine - which I genuinely believed about my summer students - you’re not going to believe them, because the only person who can teach you to love yourself is you.
We're raised in an era where we grow up looking at stick thin models who aren't half that skinny in reality, photoshopped so their bodies are perfect models of no real person. We worship barbie dolls and idolize celebrities, and popular culture gives us a standard of what's 'good looking' and what's 'not,' and it makes up these unrealistic expectations in our heads of what we should look like, of what being 'skinny' is and that even 'being skinny is good.’ We grow up in a world where eating disorders are rampant because of how much everyone is unhappy with how they look, in a society that subconsciously and inherently teaches us that to be ‘pretty,’ we have to be ‘skinny,’ and to be ‘skinny,’ we have to be a size 0 or a size 2.
Things like pretty and skinny and what’s skinny and what’s not are not scientifically proven - they’re nothing but social constructs. You don’t need to be skinny to be pretty, and what’s declared skinny by society is not necessarily true. Moreover, you don’t need to think yourself as skinny to love yourself - know your size, know that it might not be what’s standardly considered ‘skinny,’ but love yourself anyway. Love how you look, even knowing that you have flaws - love yourself, flaws and all.
the truth is, you can lose 100 pounds and be a size 0, and still hate yourself and still think of yourself as fat. I’m not being vain, but I’m acknowledging that at a size 2, I’m what is typically considered on the "skinnier" end of the spectrum - and I’m telling you now, I was still, always upset with my body and felt overweight.
You’re always going to think “If I’m just 20 pounds skinnier, I’ll be happy with myself; just 50 pounds; just 2, 3, 4, 5 sizes.” Here’s the thing.
No.
You won’t.
You’re going to lose all that weight, and you can still be unhappy with yourself.
I remember thinking for four years of my life, that “if I was just two sizes smaller, I’d be so happy.” It took me a long time to learn that no, it won’t make me happy; it took me a long time to realize that loving myself simply came by itself, without a number or size attached.
You’re always going to think “If I’m just 20 pounds skinnier, I’ll be happy with myself; just 50 pounds; just 2, 3, 4, 5 sizes.” Here’s the thing.
No.
You won’t.
You’re going to lose all that weight, and you can still be unhappy with yourself.
Because loving yourself doesn’t come with a number, doesn’t come with a size. You don’t love yourself because of your number, you love yourself regardless of your number.
I remember thinking for four years of my life, that “if I was just two sizes smaller, I’d be so happy.” It took me a long time to learn that no, it won’t make me happy; it took me a long time to realize that loving myself simply came by itself, without a number or size attached.
The difference between loving your body completely and not is huge. I’m not saying I think of myself as the most gorgeous girl in the planet; I don’t. I still have insecure moments sometimes, and I still have areas I’d like to lose weight in - I want my arms to be thinner, my waist to be slimmer. It’s okay and perfectly normal to have these things, to have things that you’d want to be skinnier in.
But the difference is loving yourself anyway. I have spots I don’t like, but I don’t cower from mirrors the way I used to; I’m happy with how I look, even knowing I have trouble areas, even knowing I’m not as skinny as I’d like to be. Being happy with yourself is unrelated to thinking yourself as perfect - being happy with yourself means loving yourself even knowing you have the flaws that you do. Unless you’re a Victoria’s Secret model, I highly doubt that anyone has what’s considered by society as the ‘perfect’ body.
Since I’ve learned to love myself, I’m just a happier person in general. It’s lovely, being happy, in ways I didn’t know possible until I was. Loving myself and my body is the best thing I learned to do, and the best thing I’ve done for myself in my teenage years. If you’re anything like I am, this post probably won’t help since I was very stubborn and, like I said - the only person who can teach you to love yourself is you.
But I hope this puts things into perspective, and if it helps anyone at all, I’m glad.
Happy holidays!
Five years ago, the Pokemon League formed Lux to create a new world order of peace and harmony. A rebellion formed, under the name of Nox, cries tyranny at Lux's new microcosmic control. Their civil war now tears the Pokemon world apart. The world hangs in the balance of predormitum. Which side will you choose?
is a high stakes RP set in a dystopian Russian society recovering from an apocalyptic war between the armies of Heaven and Hell. Greater Russia now stands free from the influence of God and the Devil, and all non-humans run the risk of execution. Outside the safe zones lies the contained wasteland of Moscow, where demons and mutated shadowbeasts continue to terrorize the remaining human survivors who have been penned in with them. As of late, increasing evangelic disturbances threaten the peace that has ruthlessly maintained by the secret police.
